Tinder: Why I'm Not Swiping Right (Just From Your Pictures)

There is aspects of being single I love, but dating is not one of them. To the point I have deleted tinder, so I thought I would share with you the reasons why it had to go, and the things I am super picky over when it comes to swiping right...

1. Dude, I know that's not You. 
Because that's Channing Tatum, sex god. (Also married - and definitely not in Dundee) 

2. Group Pictures 
Which one is you?? Who am I looking at? That tall hot guy? no... of course not... It's like Boy Roulette - and I don't want to play. This is usually taken in Maga too, so chances are you are not looking like that now either! 

3. Messy Background Instant Selfies 
So you have 4 pictures, all of which looked like you have used that "Take Profile Picture" button instead of selecting from your camera role.. I mean who does that? Ever. Well it turns out a LOT of people on Tinder. I don't need that kind of manic in my life, at least use a filter *sigh* 

4. Pictures of your Bod
There is one exception to this rule, and that is if you have a picture of you on the beach, or next to a pool... if however you are standing in front of a mirror or at the gym flexing... *ick* pass. (Unless you actually are Channing Tatum, then it is totally OK)

5. Pictures of you and your "Sister" 
Whoever she is, you have your arm round her, and all I can think is that it's probably your ex... awkward.

6. Pictures of your Tattoos 
I do not want a catalogue of your tattoos. In fact I really don't have any interest unless you have a penis tattoo'd on your forehead. That is the sort of convo you have once you start chatting, and seeing all of your tattoos isn't going to make me want you any more... so why?? I just don't get it! 

7. Pictures of your Dog
I like dogs, they are great. But I don't need a specific photo of them to decide if I like you... I mean its a bit weird. Are we swiping right based on which dog you have? Is that taken into consideration now? 

8. Seeing Kids
I have zero problem with guys having kids, hell I have one of my own - but in my opinion there is a time and place for pictures of children, and Tinder isn't one of them. This applies to their own kids or nieces and nephews. I just don't think its appropriate (Mainly due to point #10) 

9. Pictures of your Car
I honestly don't care that you have a suped up 207, and the fact that you care enough to wax it, drive it somewhere picturesk to take a photo of it is concerning.... I mean that is what you do in your spare time? So unless you have a yellow beetle, I don't care :) 

10. Pictures of your Bulge (or lack of in most cases) 
This is without a doubt the worst one. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR PENIS. Seriously why do boys have an overwhelming urge to put their genitals on the internet, what are they expecting? an "Omg Please come over so we can have sex" because that will never happen. So keep your dick pics to yourself, and keep them off tinder. 

What is a deal breaker for you online? Which things do you hate? Let me know in the comments below :) 


  1. Haha I loved this post. Really made me giggle! I have to say I'm quite lucky... I've been with Terry for 7 years and all of these dating apps weren't around back then. I'm so glad I didn't have to go through it all. I can totally relate to your points and completely agree as to why you'd say no! Mind you, "penis pictures" have always been a thing and I never understood it back then either. It does nothing for me and I find them rather unattractive, so never has and never will be a turn on point for me I'm afraid. Still amazes me when I get an unexpected one from a random person on Snapchat. Like okay where's that block button?!
    Love Hannah x || HannahHawes

    1. So glad I am not the only one that gets random dick pics on snapchat. Nothing worse haha, it always seems to be after I have eaten my breakfast too - like EW. NO!

  2. This is such a funny post! I've never been on Tinder but I could just imagine how hilarious it is!

    Nicole | The Glam Surge

  3. Hahaha this made me laugh so much. I met Shaun on Tinder two years ago and he did just about all of these on his account. He had a picture there with his sister and two kids (his sister's kids) at a wedding - I was genuinely convinced he was married with 2 kids until like 2 weeks later. He also had a picture of himself holding a newborn which I thought was also his (it was a baby of A STRANGER). This all resulted in me questioning even his real name until I saw his passport haha. I wasn't looking for a relationship at that point so it didn't really matter to me a whole lot but hey here we are - and it was our 2 year anniversary two days ago, touch wood!:) xx

    1. Aww that's so sweet that it worked out well though!

  4. This is so true! Having met my current boyfriend on tinder it was a shock seeing that he had nice, presentable photos of himself instead of his tummy, his car, his tattoos or his.....other parts! Although I was pleasantly surprised to find he had a dog when I met him! Two years later he's still presentable and charming.

    Tinder boys, be respectable not sloppy and you may just get a relationship out of it!

    1. Haha that is so cute that he was one of the nice ones on Tinder! I see dogs as a bonus, just not on the profile haha :)

  5. Haha I loved this post! So funny! Maybe Channing Tatum will visit Dundee soon...

  6. This is such a funny post! Funny because it is so true!

  7. Group pictures are the most annoying things ever! I hate not knowing which person it is in the group! Also always ends up being the one I'm least attracted too as well haha. X
    Kate// itskaterose.com

  8. This is hilarious! And soooo true! Love it aha! x


  9. Hahaha! This really made me LOL, thank you for the early morning laugh! No. 10 is THE WORST! I was sent a few by random guys when FB was the hottest social media. Ugh!

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

  10. Great and funny post again! I've never been on Tinder and not sure if I should ever tried, but if I will, I will remember this, haha.

    Michelle Morchella

  11. I laughed at "I don't need that kind of maniac in my life" & agree - who does that?!

  12. Hilarious post :) I don't get the whole lets share my naked body on the internet! x


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  14. Haha this is so funny! The last one is the worst but I also hate pictures of cars, I mean, what is the point and who cares what car they are driving??


  15. I wish I could do more posts like this, but my life isn't very exciting, so it would be dull! lol Penis's are ugly until you get to know the man it is attached to lol

  16. Haha this is hilarious!



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